The Little Princess (Revised)
............The Little PrincessRevision:Constantia lives in interesting times.The tumbrils grumble past. New hopes, old rage,dark gossip, whispered names fill, page by page,the catalogue of real and...
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Lovely use of language, no wasted words, none out of place, a triumph.
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Great job here, Maz. Smartly written, fluid, and well, I just liked it a lot to put it plainly.My only quibble is a petty one. The word "nastiness" just sticks out like a sore thumb to me, in stark...
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Hi MazThis is a well written sonnet. I love the way you play with wordstumbrils/grumble lovely/lively perfumed/perfectThe only thing I would question is the punctuation in L3/4whisprered names and...
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Rich, Tom,Dante and Snow,Many thanks for your kind comments.I just did a quick edit to remove a typo, and an unintended hex line (L7).I think L2-4 need some attention too.Regards, Maz
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Maz--aside from the slowstepping of the line two-through-four part you've already mentioned, I found this an unqualified delight. in fact, when you get this in what you consider finished form, it'll...
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Fine work as usual, Maz...but whom are we slicing to ribbons here? I smell a satire but can't identify la victime.
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Hi Maz, First Good to see you! Second, this is delightful! No nits or suggestions just praise! Hugs, Liz Poetry911
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Thanks for your comments. Mike,I've just posted a revision which I hope improves the first quatrain. Glad you picked up the reference to the Chinese curse.Ooo, I am tempted by btisement, though I...
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Maz--what about "perfect, perfumed dream?" I know that brings the m-sounds closer, but it also lets "perfumed" be the more immediate modifier. Mmm? While I was thinking about this, another thing came...
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Hi Maz,This is really so enjoyable.I would stick with 'nastiness' which in context works euphemistically. My favourite part:She dwells above politic pantomimes,as if her future plays out on some...
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Aha, I didn't know that, Maz, thanks for explaining. ("a la victime" even made sense to some extent without knowing that -- ribbon around the neck reminded me of choking, or bondage.) I had trouble...
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Maz,Good to see you back -- hope all's well in your world.I enjoyed the sonnet and the education. Thanks for both.Mary
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I enjoyed the poem. Although I didn't know what "a la Victime" meant as a fashion, I assumed that the child was to be guillotined, not just as a fashion statement, but in reality.I'm not sure that's...
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Hi Maz,Glad you kept 'nastiness'I'm unsure about some of these revisions.Original:dark gossip, whispered names fill, page by page,the catalogue of real and rumoured crimes.Revisiondark rumours,...
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Much of my time lately has been taken up discussing how sonnets are put together and what or what doesn't work when writing them, especially meter and rhyme, and internal rhyme structures. I'm finding...
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Maz: I too enjoyed the assonance and internal rhymes in the poem. I wondered about two minors:L9 She knows Papa prepares her proper match To me the expression is "a proper match" and it leaves no...
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Folks -- for those still unclear about fashions la victime, it refers to the children & grandchildren of the aristocrats who went to the guillotine during the French Revolution (which along with...
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Hi Mike,I agree, this is a wonderful poem. The sense of menace allied to the Ancien Regime swagger - Let them Eat Cakes! Yes, it's the politics of this which lifts it out of the ordinary.Alan
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Dear Maz:I know in another forum I questioned, "As if her evenings play out on some stage," but I really love the sound of the line. It brings to mind Mary Antionette's amature acting just before the...
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Hi Maz,I've just realised I've been a twit and mixed-up your first version with the revised version.So entirely ignore what I posted a couple of days ago - the revisions are great.REALLY, I should try...
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